Beauty sleep

Leroy and his daughter Miii, lilac and blue point Siamese, born in Dec 2006 and Dec 2007.

– What is your secret, you always look so fresh and pretty?

– Sleeep! See us now getting ready to take a nap after lunch. 😴 Plenty of cuddles and sleep make you this pretty 😎

Advertisements

Maven on the balcony

Maven is the most tired cat in the world in the mornings. We call her “our teenager”. She stays at bed until about 11AM- 1PM and then she lazily walks to the living room and asks for breakfast!

She is 12 years and a few months old and still in perfect shape and great health. ❤

Here she is stretching after her breakfast, playing on the balcony.

20180815_115507

Happy New 2018

Our 2017 was filled both with wonderful and with tragic events.
But things will always come our way. We take it as it comes and try and work hard to make every day a little bit better. ❤
In 2017 I lost my love Jossan. But she and I together had a good year, the best ever until the end. I loved her and pampered her to the moon and back. ❤
We and the kitties spent a lot of good days together, in our cosy house, in the garden in the summer and in front if the fire in the winter.

20171225_223233

A Siamese pile in front of the fire

Leroy and Albert travelled with me many times to cat shows and got admired and appraised a lot. Many Best In Shows for one 7,5 and a 11 year old Siamese. We take pride in our cats that are so beautiful and well cared for that even in not the youngest age do so well.

Albert came in top three best cats in Swedish cat association Sverak (member of FIFe) as senior category IV. That is huge. And he is the first Foreign White in Sweden to achieve that.

20170812_172127

Albert winning one of his Best In Show in 2017

Leroy took the highest title a cat can get in Fife, Supreme Premier. And – he got it 11 years old!!!

20171202_165014

Leroy winning Supreme Premier title in Norway 2017

Unfortunately many Siamese are not even alive at that age. I as a breeder when I study future potential combinations want the healthiest long lived lines behind the new kittens.
Maybe we will have kittens next year. It would be nice, when we are less grieving and our ladies Electra or Claire are willing to go in heat. Right now the pain is too strong to only look forward. And that is okay. We are made of all kinds of feelings.

We wish you all a Happy New Year and all the best in the coming 2018!
1514726261916.jpg

Life after Jossan

Thank you all who commented or wrote to me privately for your compassion and kind words. It means a lot to me.

My days have been filled with grief and heavy sadness since Jossan died. We got her ashes home last Wednesday, on what would have been her 10th birthday. I just broke hugging the wooden box and cried again for hours. I miss her so much.

It is hard to go on with your everyday life when you grieve. I worked even harder than usual in order to forget for a while. From my activities outside work I put together a magazine for my cat club. And we celebrated Leroy’s 11th birthday on December 11. We took him and Albert to our veterinary for a senior check up including blood tests. All great, kidneys, liver, no infections, no signs of arthritis yet, great muscles, no overweight. That was good to hear. When you lose someone you love you start worrying some extra about the other ones left.

Their teeth were x-rayed and Leroy also had 2 teeth pulled out and Albert 4. Two more will be pulled out on Albert on 8th of January, and Claire’s teeth will be x-rayed then. They got FORL and there is nothing to do to prevent it that veterinarians know of. 72% of adult cats (including wild cat animals like lions) have FORL in at least one tooth, and often you do not see it if not x-rayed. FORL starts from the inside of tooth. Cat has pain, but many hide it well, you do not see anything on the outside. That’s why we x-ray their teeth once a year. I started with that when they turned 5. The boys are recovering well.

Miii, Jossan’s blue sister, turned 10 on 27th December. She is a bit overweight and now when Jossan is gone I changed the food back to less calorie rich kind and we are working on her condition. Little darling, she is my constant companion especially in the summer in our garden. Then she runs a lot and gets a in really great shape.

20170628_144848

Miii, a blue point Siamese, summer 2017 in our garden

You see clearly on our cats that some things are environment and some genetics – Miii and Jossan were siblings and ate same food and all, and Jossan was slim, lean and elegant all of her life, while Miii was always very robust and prone to weight gain, like their late mom. Old strong robust English lines. Good muscle mass on both and a lot of space for running around helped their condition I guess.

I do not know how you heal after someone you had such a strong connection and love with is gone. I guess you do not, just move along in time with all your memories and love and the pain becomes more dull with time.

Heartbroken

My love, my soulmate, my best friend is gone. I am heartbroken and cannot stop crying.

She was stable for a long time and her health deteriorated fast on her last day on Earth. Her heart and spirit were strong, but the breathing became laboured and fast. I did not want her to suffer.
She was given oxygen to stabilize her, she purred and cuddled with me and then I made the hardest decision ever. She fell asleep being kissed and petted by me and Joakim, calmly in my arms after the medical help from a kind veterinary.
I am broken. A part of me has died.
I was lucky to have met her, not many are blessed with such a connection with an another living being in their lifetime.
10 years for far too short, but I loved her and was loved back every day during that time and I believe she had a good life.
This is the last picture I took of her, two days before she died. She was lying in a cuddly blanket in one of her favourite spots, I played with her and Albert with the Christmas decorations. She was the Queen until the end.
20171204_160032
I am heartbroken. I feel physical pain in my chest. I miss her and love her forever. Forever in my heart. My Jossan.

Lust for life

We got a lot of snow a week ago in Stockholm, but it got warmer again and all of it melted. The cats saw the greenish grass outside again and wanted to go out. But it is cold!! Today  it is 2°C and Leroy draws his leave-the-house-limit at 17°C.

But Jossan has a will of steel, and what Jossan wants, she gets from me. Breakfast in bed, any door opened even when I know it is freezing cold and the cats should not and do not want to go out. I opened the door for her and she took a quick walk around the house and pretended it is not THAT cold while she slowly walked back into the house.

She lost some weight what is not unexpected, but she is not underweight. She weighs as much she did before her first pregnancy. I give her a lot of good fat and protein rich food to slow down cancer (cancer likes carbs).

I am worrying about her and cannot sleep at night sometimes when dark thoughts get me and I get scared that it all will go fast, maybe if I am at work or travelling. But she is still well. I will know when it’s time.

20171126_135555

Sunday evening

It is cosy in front of the fire. Jossan is enjoying the warmth lying between Electra and Leroy ❤

She still has appetite and a strong will to live. It is cold outside and she cannot go out,  but the fireplace in the evenings and sun in the windows during our short days are very popular in our cat pride.

20171119_224356

Sunny October

Miii, Jossan and Miii are enjoying a sunny Saturday on the balcony.

So far so good, all the cats are well and we are getting ready for the colder period with long cosy evenings at our home.

Jossan is well. We don’t know anything more than what we see. The external tumours in her one armpit are growing, but she does not show any discomfort about them.

20171021_120410

September

We had the coldest summer in Sweden in last 155 years. But we still had some nice and warm sunny days. And even when it is not sunny, the cats are happy to cuddle at home.
Jossan is as always. But I feel her tumour in one of her armpits grew a lot lately. It was the size of a peppercorn in March and now it is like two almonds. That is the one we wanted to operate, but the veterinaries decided against when we found out she already had metastases at lungs.
She does not seem to notice it or mind it at all.
20170910_235037
I wonder what is going on in her lungs. If that external tumour grew that much, is the end very near? Anxiety is unavoidable, but I do not welcome it and let it stay. I do not have time for sorrow and anxiety now. As long as she is well and lives her life to the fullest, it is good.
Jossan is still getting her COX-2 inhibitor daily and is pampered to bits, dinner in bed, the candy she wants. She goes out when she wants which is only when it is warm and I am at home. She goes to the entrance door and calls me to let her out. She is just staying at our lot, eats the grass out or lies in the sun. Or chases hares or roe deer!!! She chases only big animals. My funny cat. She has a heart and a soul of a lioness.

Our other cats are well. Albert loves to lie in his cat cave and yesterday he really wanted to eat, but was too lazy to go up. And it is so warm and cosy in his little cave. So of course I served his Saturday breakfast there!

20170909_111405

Breakfast in bed, that’s how we roll here  🙂

 

Summer days

We had a vacation and it is over, we are both back to work from Monday, but I hope for more sunny days in our garden on weekends and after work.

I do not notice any change in Jossan’s condition, appetite or behaviour. She goes sometimes out to eat grass, sit in the sun and accompany me in my gardening. She and Miii like that, especially Miii. They always stay next to me when outside.

Here is my love Jossan enjoying the sun, the grass and all the scents in our garden two days ago.

(Our cats do not touch lilies when outside.  Lillies are toxic to cats. Instinct, I guess. And I never keep the lillies inside. Only roses in vases, and orchids, saintpaulia, cat grass and aloe vera in pots. Also hoyas and pellargonium. The kitties chew on their grass. 🙂 The other plants they leave alone. But when we had kittens, we removed all the plants out of their reach. Kittens are a different story…)

20170723_030647

June 2017

You never know who will leave first. All we have are assumptions and hopes for long life and health.
Our all cats here at home in Stockholm are well and alive, but some of dear people lost their beloved cats recently and I am very sad for them. But I was also happy to know how those cats were very much loved and had beautiful lives. ❤ We are thinking of you my dear ones ❤
Sorrow and grief are dark companions, and they are with us after loss because we loved someone dearly, making everything dark, but there is also so much love and beauty in the world, too. ❤

20170613_200348

Behind the curtain – Jossan (in the princess bed) and Leroy (on the sheep) in the west window.

My love Jossan shows no symptoms of being ill at all. I give her her cancer slowing medicine every evening after food and she licks it like candy.
She has an excellent apetite and is as happy as usual. We had a lot of rain in Stockholm recently, but when it was warm and dry she followed me to our garden.

20170613_211133

Jossan in the garden

The cats also go to the balcony sometimes.

20170611_114750

Jossan sharpening her claws on the balcony

In two weeks we will have a vacation and spend it here at home with our cats for the most of time. Staycations are good, if we are lucky we will have a fine summer here, do the gardening and relax.

Stay safe

We live in Stockholm. You heard maybe on the news that our hometown was under a terrorist attack yesterday. It happened close to where I work, a place I hang around and eat lunch at 3 out of 5 days a week. Not yesterday.

We are safe. It just took us long time to get home yesterday because the police stopped the traffic in the central Stockholm so we were at our offices longer.

Our thoughts go out to all the innocent victims and their families and friends. ❤ Yesterday this happened in Stockholm, every day it happens somewhere else in the world. 😥

Evil people. Evil. But we will not let them make us scared and hurting for long. Because that is what they want. And we will not give it to them.

20170408_191251.jpg

Life goes on. Peaceful and friendly cats from Stockholm wish you a calm weekend. Stay safe. ❤

The blue, the lilac and the white Siamese – Miii, Jossan and Claire. And an invisible one, hopefully still breathing, Albert, in the 45° warm cave behind.

5 days after the call

I got a call at the airport, 5 days ago, 15 minutes before boarding the plane, I was about to be away from home for 2 days. Joakim took Jossan to the computer tomography that morning.
And there it was, they said what I dreaded, what they saw was metastases in the lungs. I stayed composed actually and asked how about the previous x-ray that actually looked similar to this new one before the computer tomography (they did not do it last time, thought it was only age-related changes). Yes, now they were not sure, now it was more, but maybe it was already last August she had metastases, just less. Maybe.
I thanked them, asked to send the detailed report to Jossan’s oncologist and said I understand that of course the operation is off. What does it help to remove a small lumps, when there are evil cells in the lungs.
I sat frozen and empty in my head. Joakim called then and was so sad. He hoped they would not call me, but only him, he told them specifically to call only him, he planned not to tell me the news if it was bad before I was back home. But they did call me anyway.
I said to Jocke, I will contact Patricio, ask for advice (Jossan’s oncologist). I PM:ed Patricio, and he answered very fast. I was waiting to board that plane. He was very nice and comforting and said he was sorry. I asked what can we do, is there some more medicines we can give her, but not so that it has bad side effects, she must have good life. I said also I do not understand, she looks like a picture of health, she was outside yesterday, took a walk with me in the garden. I was thinking – her coat is shiny, her eyes are clear, she is full of life, her muscles are perfect, her body is strong. I cannot comprehend it at all.

20170328_212340

Jossan on a short walk in our garden, late March 2017

Patricio asked me about the dose of Metacam (COX-2 inhibitor she is on), and I said 1,5 markings, she weighs 3,4 kg. He said, give her 2 markings. He said she can live a good life for some time longer, in spite of the metastases.
Then we exchanged virtual hugs, I thanked him and went to my flight.
I was very sad being away from Jossan for those two days and nights, I thought a lot about her, about life and death. Yes, Jossan is ‘just a cat’, but she has a soul that is equal to a human soul, I believe in that. And she is my soulmate. There is love and I have been lucky to love and be loved in my life, and then there is something a bit different, that special connection that transcends love, call it a soulmate or whatever.
And now my Jossan is dying. But aren’t we who are alive all both living and dying, we never know how much we have left. We are both living and approaching our end all the time. Now I just know that her end is closer than I hoped for.
We can make moments count. And even when you are not physically next to someone, you still are together in another way. I do not know if animals feel it that way, I barely know how other people feel it. But there must be more to connections between us than having them activated just when being close in space.

20170331_194555

Jossan and me, the evening I arrived back home

We live our lives, the spring is here, and we go to the garden when it is warm enough for that, otherwise, we are inside together when I am at home.
I hope for a long beautiful summer.

Still no answers

The veterinary called me this morning, and – they still do not know what the x-ray show. The radiologist could not exclude metastases on the lungs, but could not tell that they are that for sure either, so we will go to CT, computed tomography exam. They should call me from the animal clinic tomorrow to book a time for that hopefully on Monday.

If Jossan has metastases, we will not operate. If she does not, we will.

That sounds so simple. It is really a simple decision to make when we know the answers, but it is not easy. It is hard on our hearts.

It takes so much time, all the exams, we are in the limbo. But she does not know, she is fine. ❤

We wait

We don’t know more after the x-ray today. The veterinary was not sure if what she sees is blood vessels, age-related normal changes, or – metastases. Uh!!! I asked her to compare it with the x-ray they took last year in August at the same clinic when the radiologist said no metastases were visible. The veterinary checked it and still was not sure. She said we must ask the radiologist, but the radiologist is not there every day of the week, so we will have to wait…. for a week. Maybe less.

20170315_224545

Joakim and I held Jossan in the x-ray room. She is cool and comfortable in new environments. And curious. 🙂

I sent a FB message to Jossan’s oncologist Patricio and the vet said she will also mail him the pics promptly, but still, the best expert is the radiologist. Patricio answered fast, sent us his hugs, and said we wait for the radiologist. He thought it is probably age related changes, but still, the radiologist is the ultimate expert. We wait.
We need to remove the growths asap, if the lungs are clean. We will be able to get “fast track” operation, if the answer is that the lungs do not have visible metastases. Now we wait. Uh.
In my heart I feel it is not metastases they see, but it is just a feeling, or my wishes. If I could heal her with sheer willpower, I would. But we wait for a week and see what happens.

That tiny little bad thing

Jossan’s teeth extraction was a walk in the park. She will be happier now without the last bits of inflammation in her mouth.

After her operation last year (after we discovered that the cancer was back and the new growths were removed), I felt a tiny little hard lump where one of the tumors was removed directly after the swelling went down; in one arm hole, next to the rib cage. It was actually the only of the places where the pathologist said in his rapport that not all of the cancer cells seemed to be removed and the risk of metastases from there or local recurrence existed.

So I followed it and also the vet checked it out, but her teeth were more urgent to fix. Also, it did not seem to grow, that little thing. But I have checked it regularly. It could have been a scar tissue, or not.

Now I am sure that the lump is growing. I messaged Jossan’s oncologist this morning. He moved to another city, but is kind and said I can call him or PM him via Facebook about my baby whenever. ❤ That is a veterinary that really cares about his patients!

I just know it is a recurrence. It is that place, same feeling like the ones removed, tough still smaller than the ones removed before.
Since Jossan is feeling super top great, the plan is to x-ray her and then if there are no metastases to the lungs, operate and remove the growth, in order to minimize the risk for spreading. She will be continually on her COX-2 inhibitor medicine to slow down the cancer also. It would be a tiny cut and operation, maybe 1-2 cm long, not deep at all, the lumps (I think it is one, maybe two, one like a couple of mm in length, the bigger one maybe like max 7 mm in diameter) are directly under her skin, and she will have a fast recovery time.

Me and Jossan at one of our veterinary visits.

During the course of Jossan’s cancer, there was never any doubt in my mind what is the right thing to do. Jossan has such a lust for life and feels good, and her blood values are great. We will do anything in our power that veterinaries think is worth doing to help her live as good life and as long life as possible. I have a special connection with her and love her so much. And I would do that for any of my cats.

We got the time for x-ray in two days, on Wednesday afternoon. Hope there are no metastases yet, I hope so much.

 

Lazy Sunday

A lazy Sunday afternoon, I am reading on the sofa, Jossan is under the blanket. This night and morning she was also under my blanket in the bed. My ❤

20170305_160125.jpg

She is feeling well and we hope for spring to come soon so that we can have walks in the garden together.
Next week on Wednesday, a cat dentist will pull out a tooth that seems to be bothering her (FORL). We got okay for that, since all her recent blood tests are good, the cancer is seemingly under control at the moment, and we of course do not want her to have a toothache! Fingers crossed on Wednesday that all goes well with our Queen.
A cat friend’s Siamese girl, with the same bad type of cancer as Jossan has, was put to sleep 10 days ago. 😥 It has spread and took over her lungs with metastases so she was tired and could not breath without problems. She was operated and was on the same medication as Jossan for a few months, which prolonged her life a bit. But then it could not be stopped anymore. So tragic. My heart goes out to my friend.
I hope we will have much more time with Jossan, but I do not think about that much, we chose not to grieve in advance. We take every day as a gift and are grateful for it. And we live in the present. Like cats do. ❤

Oh, Albert

This evening my adorable Foreign White baby Albert decided to turn to a chocolate smoke Oriental van, after playing with and breaking two of my brown powder shadows.

“Oh, fab, they can fly from the shelf with just a tiny little push of a helpful paw, like da bomb making a BANG when they land!
And see how they glitter after falling into pieces in the bathtub, let me smear that a bit and dance on the shiny pearly miniature stardust…
Oh, my paws, look how lovely and chocolatey they are and my nose, am I not a star?
Oh dear, Mom is coming, I will run like the wind and keep on dancing all over the house, landing in one of the off-white sofas, rolling in it back and forth to press all the cacao coloured dust deeper into my once upon a time snow-white fur”.

OH, ALBERT…

20170303_185056

 

Only in my head

20170224_005822

Leroy, Electra, Jossan and Claire

This is one of my imaginary conversations with our Siamese. Our only non-Siamese cat Maven is running around on the bottom floor.

SIAMESE: “We think we heard a ghost! 😨 Or Bigfoot! Or, was it – Maven!?”
J: “Occam’s razor, kitties. Occam’s razor… Think!”

***the sound of the Siamese thinking***

J: “So, who were you most likely to hear?”
SIAMESE: “Hmmm – Occam?”

J: “No! You should USE Occam’s razor – the simpler explanation is usually the most likely one. So – who did you hear?”
SIAMESE: “Aha! Bigfoot!!! We most likely heard Bigfoot.”

Jossan and Claire playing

We are longing for spring, and in the meantime, enjoying the cosy life inside. Jossan is feeling great, playing, eating, cuddling and being happy. Here a video of her and Claire “hunting” each other this morning. 🙂

Happy New Year!

We wish you all Happy New 2017! Much health to you and your dear ones, and peace. ❤

We celebrated Jossan’s and Miii’s ninth birthday on 27th of December, and we are grateful for Jossan’s good heath now and that our cats are with us.

Here is a card I made this year (the colours of some of the cats are not from our fur babies, but from a cats that belong to a friend of mine). 201612merryxmas1a1Also, here are two videos of our Leroy. The first one shows how clever he is when solving a puzzle level A for dogs (he can solve almost anything, that cat!)

And one video of Leroy kneading the blanket. Happy New Year and many hugs from us!

 

Merry Christmas!

In Sweden we (who celebrate Christmas) exchange presents on Christmas Eve. We celebrated Christmas this year at our home with Jocke’s mom. We bought presents for cats this year also (they get presents all the time, but I got them some for Christmas now too).

2016 has been a tough year, with struggle against Jossan’s cancer, failed pregnancy for Claire, phantom pregnancies for Electra and Funtes that is not eager to mate the girls (but it is getting better, he is maturing. The slowest maturing Siamese ever…).
I feel still deep sorrow and grief after LillMupp, I cannot and do not want to talk about that really. It’s been a year after we lost him, just before Christmas. It hurts.

It was a very successful year for Leroy on the cat shows and the health on our fur babies is mostly well now. Jossan is getting medicine against her cancer (a non-steroid anti inflammatory) and feels great. Her sister Miii is overweight and it is a struggle to get her down in weight. It started with special food good against cancer for Jossan that everyone also eats and Miii really liked and ate a lot… and skyrocketed in weight incredibly fast. 😦 So now we have to be clever and juggle feeding schedules and help Miii get back to her normal weight again.

We had a happy Christmas Eve this evening. Many things in our lives and the world around us are not great, but many are; we celebrate that and wish for better future for all the living beings who go through hard times now.

Our fur babies liked the presents. They got a catnip filled Yeeeww banana toy (they are crazy about those), and one easier and one harder puzzle (they get candy if they do the right thing or two-three things in a row). Leroy solved the easy one immediately.

Claire solved the harder one.

I can recommend http://www.nina-ottosson.com/ for puzzles (this is not an ad, I do not know Nina, but our cats enjoy the puzzles she makes).

Funtes did not care about puzzles much. He cuddled here and there and here again until he fell asleep in the middle of cuddling. 🙂 A love bug! The biggest baby in our mini lions pride.
We wish you a merry Christmas!

fb_img_1482628060999

Me and my love Jossan on our card this year (Jocke took the picture).