Today I have lost a very close friend, my faithful, loving, sweet friend, a close soul, Jossan’s sister, Miii.
Merry Christmas! We had a photo session today with Ellinor. Leroy of course joined us. He had to inspect all those elves, they seemed very suspicious. He is very protective of his baby. 🙂
We have a new family member, this time a little human – our baby daughter Ellinor was born on October 29th. She is our long wanted rainbow baby.
The cats have never shown any animosity at all, just curiosity, towards the baby since we came home with her from the hospital.
They understood she is a helpless and fragile baby of some kind; they sit close to her but do not pile on her or touch her – thet keep the safe distance and are very careful around her.
Leroy, the king of our family he is, took on a role of Ellie’s main protector. He is always close and is checking on her.
A few visitors we had he gave them a – “I am watching you” look and stayed always between them and the baby. He was more trusting with our friends he knows really well from before and has closer connection with (they were cat sitting for example when we were away).
That is life – a tremendous joy this year after a shattering loss last year. We share our days and feelings with our cats as always.
We hope to give oceans of love and security to our daughter. And she will get to grow among the best cats ever and I hope they will get a lot of joy from having her in their lives, as she will from them.
a) “normal” cats
can you fit on the cat tree on the photo?
The answer leads to the conclusion (that we who have Siamese cats already know) that cats come as individuals, and Siamese come in piles. 🤗
Leroy and his daughter Miii, lilac and blue point Siamese, born in Dec 2006 and Dec 2007.
– What is your secret, you always look so fresh and pretty?
– Sleeep! See us now getting ready to take a nap after lunch. 😴 Plenty of cuddles and sleep make you this pretty 😎
Maven is the most tired cat in the world in the mornings. We call her “our teenager”. She stays at bed until about 11AM- 1PM and then she lazily walks to the living room and asks for breakfast!
She is 12 years and a few months old and still in perfect shape and great health. ❤
Here she is stretching after her breakfast, playing on the balcony.
Our 2017 was filled both with wonderful and with tragic events.
But things will always come our way. We take it as it comes and try and work hard to make every day a little bit better. ❤
In 2017 I lost my love Jossan. But she and I together had a good year, the best ever until the end. I loved her and pampered her to the moon and back. ❤
We and the kitties spent a lot of good days together, in our cosy house, in the garden in the summer and in front if the fire in the winter.
Leroy and Albert travelled with me many times to cat shows and got admired and appraised a lot. Many Best In Shows for one 7,5 and a 11 year old Siamese. We take pride in our cats that are so beautiful and well cared for that even in not the youngest age do so well.
Albert came in top three best cats in Swedish cat association Sverak (member of FIFe) as senior category IV. That is huge. And he is the first Foreign White in Sweden to achieve that.
Leroy took the highest title a cat can get in Fife, Supreme Premier. And – he got it 11 years old!!!
Unfortunately many Siamese are not even alive at that age. I as a breeder when I study future potential combinations want the healthiest long lived lines behind the new kittens.
Maybe we will have kittens next year. It would be nice, when we are less grieving and our ladies Electra or Claire are willing to go in heat. Right now the pain is too strong to only look forward. And that is okay. We are made of all kinds of feelings.
We wish you all a Happy New Year and all the best in the coming 2018!
Thank you all who commented or wrote to me privately for your compassion and kind words. It means a lot to me.
My days have been filled with grief and heavy sadness since Jossan died. We got her ashes home last Wednesday, on what would have been her 10th birthday. I just broke hugging the wooden box and cried again for hours. I miss her so much.
It is hard to go on with your everyday life when you grieve. I worked even harder than usual in order to forget for a while. From my activities outside work I put together a magazine for my cat club. And we celebrated Leroy’s 11th birthday on December 11. We took him and Albert to our veterinary for a senior check up including blood tests. All great, kidneys, liver, no infections, no signs of arthritis yet, great muscles, no overweight. That was good to hear. When you lose someone you love you start worrying some extra about the other ones left.
Their teeth were x-rayed and Leroy also had 2 teeth pulled out and Albert 4. Two more will be pulled out on Albert on 8th of January, and Claire’s teeth will be x-rayed then. They got FORL and there is nothing to do to prevent it that veterinarians know of. 72% of adult cats (including wild cat animals like lions) have FORL in at least one tooth, and often you do not see it if not x-rayed. FORL starts from the inside of tooth. Cat has pain, but many hide it well, you do not see anything on the outside. That’s why we x-ray their teeth once a year. I started with that when they turned 5. The boys are recovering well.
Miii, Jossan’s blue sister, turned 10 on 27th December. She is a bit overweight and now when Jossan is gone I changed the food back to less calorie rich kind and we are working on her condition. Little darling, she is my constant companion especially in the summer in our garden. Then she runs a lot and gets a in really great shape.
You see clearly on our cats that some things are environment and some genetics – Miii and Jossan were siblings and ate same food and all, and Jossan was slim, lean and elegant all of her life, while Miii was always very robust and prone to weight gain, like their late mom. Old strong robust English lines. Good muscle mass on both and a lot of space for running around helped their condition I guess.
I do not know how you heal after someone you had such a strong connection and love with is gone. I guess you do not, just move along in time with all your memories and love and the pain becomes more dull with time.
My love, my soulmate, my best friend is gone. I am heartbroken and cannot stop crying.
We got a lot of snow a week ago in Stockholm, but it got warmer again and all of it melted. The cats saw the greenish grass outside again and wanted to go out. But it is cold!! Today it is 2°C and Leroy draws his leave-the-house-limit at 17°C.
But Jossan has a will of steel, and what Jossan wants, she gets from me. Breakfast in bed, any door opened even when I know it is freezing cold and the cats should not and do not want to go out. I opened the door for her and she took a quick walk around the house and pretended it is not THAT cold while she slowly walked back into the house.
She lost some weight what is not unexpected, but she is not underweight. She weighs as much she did before her first pregnancy. I give her a lot of good fat and protein rich food to slow down cancer (cancer likes carbs).
I am worrying about her and cannot sleep at night sometimes when dark thoughts get me and I get scared that it all will go fast, maybe if I am at work or travelling. But she is still well. I will know when it’s time.
It is cosy in front of the fire. Jossan is enjoying the warmth lying between Electra and Leroy ❤
She still has appetite and a strong will to live. It is cold outside and she cannot go out, but the fireplace in the evenings and sun in the windows during our short days are very popular in our cat pride.
Miii, Jossan and Miii are enjoying a sunny Saturday on the balcony.
So far so good, all the cats are well and we are getting ready for the colder period with long cosy evenings at our home.
Jossan is well. We don’t know anything more than what we see. The external tumours in her one armpit are growing, but she does not show any discomfort about them.
We had the coldest summer in Sweden in last 155 years. But we still had some nice and warm sunny days. And even when it is not sunny, the cats are happy to cuddle at home.
Jossan is as always. But I feel her tumour in one of her armpits grew a lot lately. It was the size of a peppercorn in March and now it is like two almonds. That is the one we wanted to operate, but the veterinaries decided against when we found out she already had metastases at lungs.
She does not seem to notice it or mind it at all.
I wonder what is going on in her lungs. If that external tumour grew that much, is the end very near? Anxiety is unavoidable, but I do not welcome it and let it stay. I do not have time for sorrow and anxiety now. As long as she is well and lives her life to the fullest, it is good.
Jossan is still getting her COX-2 inhibitor daily and is pampered to bits, dinner in bed, the candy she wants. She goes out when she wants which is only when it is warm and I am at home. She goes to the entrance door and calls me to let her out. She is just staying at our lot, eats the grass out or lies in the sun. Or chases hares or roe deer!!! She chases only big animals. My funny cat. She has a heart and a soul of a lioness.
Our other cats are well. Albert loves to lie in his cat cave and yesterday he really wanted to eat, but was too lazy to go up. And it is so warm and cosy in his little cave. So of course I served his Saturday breakfast there!
Breakfast in bed, that’s how we roll here 🙂
We had a vacation and it is over, we are both back to work from Monday, but I hope for more sunny days in our garden on weekends and after work.
I do not notice any change in Jossan’s condition, appetite or behaviour. She goes sometimes out to eat grass, sit in the sun and accompany me in my gardening. She and Miii like that, especially Miii. They always stay next to me when outside.
Here is my love Jossan enjoying the sun, the grass and all the scents in our garden two days ago.
(Our cats do not touch lilies when outside. Lillies are toxic to cats. Instinct, I guess. And I never keep the lillies inside. Only roses in vases, and orchids, saintpaulia, cat grass and aloe vera in pots. Also hoyas and pellargonium. The kitties chew on their grass. 🙂 The other plants they leave alone. But when we had kittens, we removed all the plants out of their reach. Kittens are a different story…)
– “Maumaumau, breakfast!!! Mom, it gives us z breakfast!”
– “But you had your breakfast?”
– “And what about z second breakfast?! Hurry Mom, Miii is about to faint of hunger… :O ”
Siamese are drama loving creatures! 🙂
You never know who will leave first. All we have are assumptions and hopes for long life and health.
Our all cats here at home in Stockholm are well and alive, but some of dear people lost their beloved cats recently and I am very sad for them. But I was also happy to know how those cats were very much loved and had beautiful lives. ❤ We are thinking of you my dear ones ❤
Sorrow and grief are dark companions, and they are with us after loss because we loved someone dearly, making everything dark, but there is also so much love and beauty in the world, too. ❤
My love Jossan shows no symptoms of being ill at all. I give her her cancer slowing medicine every evening after food and she licks it like candy.
She has an excellent apetite and is as happy as usual. We had a lot of rain in Stockholm recently, but when it was warm and dry she followed me to our garden.
The cats also go to the balcony sometimes.
In two weeks we will have a vacation and spend it here at home with our cats for the most of time. Staycations are good, if we are lucky we will have a fine summer here, do the gardening and relax.
And a yearly Easter picture of Jossan with a hat:
We live in Stockholm. You heard maybe on the news that our hometown was under a terrorist attack yesterday. It happened close to where I work, a place I hang around and eat lunch at 3 out of 5 days a week. Not yesterday.
We are safe. It just took us long time to get home yesterday because the police stopped the traffic in the central Stockholm so we were at our offices longer.
Our thoughts go out to all the innocent victims and their families and friends. ❤ Yesterday this happened in Stockholm, every day it happens somewhere else in the world. 😥
Evil people. Evil. But we will not let them make us scared and hurting for long. Because that is what they want. And we will not give it to them.
Life goes on. Peaceful and friendly cats from Stockholm wish you a calm weekend. Stay safe. ❤
The blue, the lilac and the white Siamese – Miii, Jossan and Claire. And an invisible one, hopefully still breathing, Albert, in the 45° warm cave behind.
I got a call at the airport, 5 days ago, 15 minutes before boarding the plane, I was about to be away from home for 2 days. Joakim took Jossan to the computer tomography that morning.
And there it was, they said what I dreaded, what they saw was metastases in the lungs. I stayed composed actually and asked how about the previous x-ray that actually looked similar to this new one before the computer tomography (they did not do it last time, thought it was only age-related changes). Yes, now they were not sure, now it was more, but maybe it was already last August she had metastases, just less. Maybe.
I thanked them, asked to send the detailed report to Jossan’s oncologist and said I understand that of course the operation is off. What does it help to remove a small lumps, when there are evil cells in the lungs.
I sat frozen and empty in my head. Joakim called then and was so sad. He hoped they would not call me, but only him, he told them specifically to call only him, he planned not to tell me the news if it was bad before I was back home. But they did call me anyway.
I said to Jocke, I will contact Patricio, ask for advice (Jossan’s oncologist). I PM:ed Patricio, and he answered very fast. I was waiting to board that plane. He was very nice and comforting and said he was sorry. I asked what can we do, is there some more medicines we can give her, but not so that it has bad side effects, she must have good life. I said also I do not understand, she looks like a picture of health, she was outside yesterday, took a walk with me in the garden. I was thinking – her coat is shiny, her eyes are clear, she is full of life, her muscles are perfect, her body is strong. I cannot comprehend it at all.
Patricio asked me about the dose of Metacam (COX-2 inhibitor she is on), and I said 1,5 markings, she weighs 3,4 kg. He said, give her 2 markings. He said she can live a good life for some time longer, in spite of the metastases.
Then we exchanged virtual hugs, I thanked him and went to my flight.
I was very sad being away from Jossan for those two days and nights, I thought a lot about her, about life and death. Yes, Jossan is ‘just a cat’, but she has a soul that is equal to a human soul, I believe in that. And she is my soulmate. There is love and I have been lucky to love and be loved in my life, and then there is something a bit different, that special connection that transcends love, call it a soulmate or whatever.
And now my Jossan is dying. But aren’t we who are alive all both living and dying, we never know how much we have left. We are both living and approaching our end all the time. Now I just know that her end is closer than I hoped for.
We can make moments count. And even when you are not physically next to someone, you still are together in another way. I do not know if animals feel it that way, I barely know how other people feel it. But there must be more to connections between us than having them activated just when being close in space.
We live our lives, the spring is here, and we go to the garden when it is warm enough for that, otherwise, we are inside together when I am at home.
I hope for a long beautiful summer.
The veterinary called me this morning, and – they still do not know what the x-ray show. The radiologist could not exclude metastases on the lungs, but could not tell that they are that for sure either, so we will go to CT, computed tomography exam. They should call me from the animal clinic tomorrow to book a time for that hopefully on Monday.
If Jossan has metastases, we will not operate. If she does not, we will.
That sounds so simple. It is really a simple decision to make when we know the answers, but it is not easy. It is hard on our hearts.
It takes so much time, all the exams, we are in the limbo. But she does not know, she is fine. ❤
No news yet. But here is a picture of Albert’s nose. He has the cutest little nose ever!
We don’t know more after the x-ray today. The veterinary was not sure if what she sees is blood vessels, age-related normal changes, or – metastases. Uh!!! I asked her to compare it with the x-ray they took last year in August at the same clinic when the radiologist said no metastases were visible. The veterinary checked it and still was not sure. She said we must ask the radiologist, but the radiologist is not there every day of the week, so we will have to wait…. for a week. Maybe less.
I sent a FB message to Jossan’s oncologist Patricio and the vet said she will also mail him the pics promptly, but still, the best expert is the radiologist. Patricio answered fast, sent us his hugs, and said we wait for the radiologist. He thought it is probably age related changes, but still, the radiologist is the ultimate expert. We wait.
We need to remove the growths asap, if the lungs are clean. We will be able to get “fast track” operation, if the answer is that the lungs do not have visible metastases. Now we wait. Uh.
In my heart I feel it is not metastases they see, but it is just a feeling, or my wishes. If I could heal her with sheer willpower, I would. But we wait for a week and see what happens.
Jossan’s teeth extraction was a walk in the park. She will be happier now without the last bits of inflammation in her mouth.
After her operation last year (after we discovered that the cancer was back and the new growths were removed), I felt a tiny little hard lump where one of the tumors was removed directly after the swelling went down; in one arm hole, next to the rib cage. It was actually the only of the places where the pathologist said in his rapport that not all of the cancer cells seemed to be removed and the risk of metastases from there or local recurrence existed.
So I followed it and also the vet checked it out, but her teeth were more urgent to fix. Also, it did not seem to grow, that little thing. But I have checked it regularly. It could have been a scar tissue, or not.
Now I am sure that the lump is growing. I messaged Jossan’s oncologist this morning. He moved to another city, but is kind and said I can call him or PM him via Facebook about my baby whenever. ❤ That is a veterinary that really cares about his patients!
I just know it is a recurrence. It is that place, same feeling like the ones removed, tough still smaller than the ones removed before.
Since Jossan is feeling super top great, the plan is to x-ray her and then if there are no metastases to the lungs, operate and remove the growth, in order to minimize the risk for spreading. She will be continually on her COX-2 inhibitor medicine to slow down the cancer also. It would be a tiny cut and operation, maybe 1-2 cm long, not deep at all, the lumps (I think it is one, maybe two, one like a couple of mm in length, the bigger one maybe like max 7 mm in diameter) are directly under her skin, and she will have a fast recovery time.
During the course of Jossan’s cancer, there was never any doubt in my mind what is the right thing to do. Jossan has such a lust for life and feels good, and her blood values are great. We will do anything in our power that veterinaries think is worth doing to help her live as good life and as long life as possible. I have a special connection with her and love her so much. And I would do that for any of my cats.
We got the time for x-ray in two days, on Wednesday afternoon. Hope there are no metastases yet, I hope so much.
A lazy Sunday afternoon, I am reading on the sofa, Jossan is under the blanket. This night and morning she was also under my blanket in the bed. My ❤
She is feeling well and we hope for spring to come soon so that we can have walks in the garden together.
Next week on Wednesday, a cat dentist will pull out a tooth that seems to be bothering her (FORL). We got okay for that, since all her recent blood tests are good, the cancer is seemingly under control at the moment, and we of course do not want her to have a toothache! Fingers crossed on Wednesday that all goes well with our Queen.
A cat friend’s Siamese girl, with the same bad type of cancer as Jossan has, was put to sleep 10 days ago. 😥 It has spread and took over her lungs with metastases so she was tired and could not breath without problems. She was operated and was on the same medication as Jossan for a few months, which prolonged her life a bit. But then it could not be stopped anymore. So tragic. My heart goes out to my friend.
I hope we will have much more time with Jossan, but I do not think about that much, we chose not to grieve in advance. We take every day as a gift and are grateful for it. And we live in the present. Like cats do. ❤
This evening my adorable Foreign White baby Albert decided to turn to a chocolate smoke Oriental van, after playing with and breaking two of my brown powder shadows.
“Oh, fab, they can fly from the shelf with just a tiny little push of a helpful paw, like da bomb making a BANG when they land!
And see how they glitter after falling into pieces in the bathtub, let me smear that a bit and dance on the shiny pearly miniature stardust…
Oh, my paws, look how lovely and chocolatey they are and my nose, am I not a star?
Oh dear, Mom is coming, I will run like the wind and keep on dancing all over the house, landing in one of the off-white sofas, rolling in it back and forth to press all the cacao coloured dust deeper into my once upon a time snow-white fur”.