Not what we hoped for

Last Friday we got back the results from Jossan’s operation, and it was very bad. All three small tumours they removed were malign, two seemed to be removed in total, one not. And that one was in lymph nodes, which means that the cancer has metastasised. The tumor was very fast growing, also.

I felt completely shattered. It was Friday morning and I headed back to work after meeting the oncologist, Patricio Rivera, and getting the bad news, Jocke took Jossan back home. She was just happy and as usual.

She has no symptoms, since the cancer did not spread yet to her lungs or inner organs (well, not according to the recent x-ray, anyway). When it spreads there and grows, when she gets symptoms maybe like coughing and being tired and not her usual self, that when it starts getting bad, and that is when I will have to let her go, before she starts to suffer. Not now. But my baby will never suffer. I own her that final grace. But I will not think about that now. We will get her regular checkups to see how it progresses and hope for the best.

My working day was not great, I cried and worked, cried and worked. I was so sad. We did not get or asked for any prognoses, since no one can tell really what will happen now. She will not get chemo, since there is no chemo that can preserve her good life quality, and cure her. Only maybe prolong her life a little, but worsen life quality. Still, she will get this COX2 inhibitor, an anti-inflammatory medicine, Metacam, which is good for her, and can stop or slow down the progress of cancer. She will also get special food for cancer patients – a lot of fat and good protein, minimal carbs. One of the dry food that are best in that composition is Royal Canin Intestinal, according to Patricio, we got her that. I’ve also ordered wet food of same kind, and she also eats Bozita and Sheba chicken file and egg yolk at times. We will not give carbs to the cancer!!!

(Yes, she gets food served in bed. Leroy is helping her)

I woke up very late at Saturday, but I was not as sad anymore, I was determined to spend this time we have left together the best we can. Jossan is my big love. We may have weeks or months or years left together, I do not know. No one knows. And you actually never know for anyone how much you have left. We live now, in present and I am happy to have her in my life. I love her so much. ❤

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10 comments on “Not what we hoped for

  1. I’m so sorry – I feel like crying just reading this as I know how hard it is to love them so much and that feeling of being totally helpless and powerless. Just love her and love her more and keep telling her how much. XX

    • Thank you.
      I hate cancer, and that hate is born out of feeling of being helpless.
      I want to fight, but how? My options are limited and inadequate. But I will fight all I can. Love, food, anti-inflammatory medicine, checkups, hope. ❤

  2. So sorry to hear that. Defenitely not what you hoped. I wish you and Jossan and the rest of your gang, that you have as much time as possibly to enjoy. Jossan is very fortunate that she has you guys who put her quality of life first.

    • Thank you. If there was a worthy alternative with cytostatics, I would have grabbed it. But there is no chemotherapy that can cure her, and she must not suffer. She is my queen and will live as a queen until the end.

      • Having just witnessed what chemo did to a friend’s dog with no hope of cure, I am positive that your royal highness appreciates your decision. Still sucks.

        • Oh, I am so sorry. 😥 We have treated cancer on our dog years ago and two operations helped, we opted for no chemo also.
          I have trust in our oncologist we have now. I met one last year, but I was not that happy with her, especially when I think about that now. We got no advice about food or other things. I am not sure actually what I got from that expensive consultation.
          Patricio, that we have as oncologist now, looks at the whole perspective – the food, life quality, antiinflammatorics that may help, but will not hurt her or diminish her well-being (we will check that they do not have bad influence on kidneys though, and maybe adjust the dose), but still can slow down the cancer… I have trust in him. It is the whole picture we must look at. Jossan is just so unaware, and that is the best part in this terrible situation – she has no idea, and every day is a happy day for her!

  3. Dear all of you, yes I do understand everything since we went though exactly the same thing this fall 10 years ago with only 8 years old darling Alice. Unfortunately it did not go well in the end after a number of the same operations. Enjoy all you can, we still got more time than we expected…and also got closer than ever. Let her enjoy shrimps once in a while if she likes them.

    Lots of love Christina

    • Thank you. And I am sorry for your loss. ❤
      Jossan has always gotten everything she wanted that I could give her, and more. I hope she will live through at least one more summer and enjoy it. But cosy lying next to the warm fireplace in winter is also pleasant.

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