The Fat Siamese strikes back

Leroy, The King (Lilac point Siamese)

Leroy, The King

#1 Leroy’s Diary, March 2013

One Sunday after lunch, a very secret location somewhere in Sweden

“Can he go from the chair in the corner slowly diagonally over the floor to the left edge of the table and stretch his left, no, wait – his right paw, slowly and lift it here in the air, put it against the table and turn his head towards the camera? Like this?”, said the guy with a funny hat. He was talking about me and asking Mom and Dad.

Of course I could do that. But why should I?

“Ahm, no…”, Mom answered. She and Dad exchanged nervous looks.

“Mauuu”, I said.

“But, Nisse*, Leroy is a family pet, not a circus cat. He cannot do tricks”, said a lady with long hair.

Of course I could do tricks. But, why should I?

“No, he cannot do tricks. But he can do anything if he wants to, and if he gets candy”, Mom said.

Of course I could do anything, but why should I? Wait, did Mom just mention candy?

“Maaaaauuuu”, I said.

Everyone was looking at me, a whole bunch of people I’ve met for the first time today. Dad got out a bag of Dreamies and showed me the candy. Everyone got excited and stared at me.

Let me tell you something – if you already haven’t figured that out yourselves – I love being the center of attention. I deserve everyone’s attention. What I do not necessarily like is to do as I am told. So I jumped from Mom’s lap and ran towards the closest tunnel and crawled in. Ha, humans, eat your candy yourselves!

There is a whole world of new 1000sqm I have to explore. I see you when I see you!

***

Three hours and two shooting sessions later. Take #3.

I think that we are clear on who is the King now. Give me that candy, and I’ll do the walk better than Nisse could ever dream of.  Just because I want that.

Heidi Klum, watch and learn, this is how you do it!

Humans are an inferior species.

#2 Mom’s diary, March 2013.

Sunday evening

We came back from the photo session about an hour ago. We did not take any photos ourselves, everything was sort of secret. New IKEA kitchen, six different ones, the adds will be out in June, I think they said. If they do not photoshop away Leroy, he’ll be a star!!!

Leroy was really cool in an enormously big studio with many new smells. The crew did one photo session at first during which we did not get him to do what we wanted, or go where we decided. No amount of candy or petting helped. The photographer decided that we all should take a break, and let the star rest a bit. She seemed nice, and worked with animals before. Cats are the hardest to film or capture on pictures in arranged situations, they do as they want. 🙂 And Siamese and Orientals even more so than others.

The second shot got much better, Leroy started exploring the main set, not only all the tunnels and the dark parts of the studio. We got to rest for 30 more minutes.

Leroy was completely relaxed during he third attempt. He went everywhere we wanted, looked for candy and was as cool as he is at home. He is not a trained cat that knows tricks and so, but he is a very clever and stable cat with a lot of charisma. The crew was happy with his body language and we wrapped the shoot. It took us half a day! It is not easy becoming a star.

Jocke and I were happy with “Leroy’s” new kitchen. It was elegant, a bit Japanese in style, minimalistic and the colors matched our Leroy perfectly (or the other way round).

Leroy is not a tiny Siamese, but maybe that is why he was cast? Who wants a skinny cat in a kitchen commercial?! 🙂 I hope that they got some good photo today, and that they do not remove him completely from the photo. The ad’s working name is called ‘Minimalisten; walk in kitchen’.

Leroy, the King!

Leroy, the cutest King ever!

#3 Leroy, May 2013

Mom is leaving the Green Room open all the time now during the summer. Sometimes I get to follow with her outside, and run around with her and Miii and Maven. I do not want to run, but I have to, there are butterflies and grass and flowers, and bushes in the backyard.

Mom and Dad are vicious people. Just when I thought that torturing me with Da Bird is the worst that could happen, they let me follow outside. I feel how the outside world is draining my energy with all it has to offer. My body is getting smaller every day. I am disappearing. I’ll melt before the autumn comes.

#4 Leroy, June 2013

Mom and Dad are ridiculous. They called me a star, got home a picture of me from IKEA for their personal use, they were happy. The picture of me that is online, in some commercial.

Leroy, ego surfing

Leroy, ego surfing

I like IKEA. They make good mouse toys. I like the white ones the most.

Other Siamese owners must be envious of Mom and Dad. Well, it is their fault they have strong characters and no heart and starve their cats. Mom and Dad are easily broken, and why would IKEA ever hire a skinny Siamese for the kitchen commercial. Hello? Of course it had to be me.

IKEA took over the world and stayed on top for many decades. They know a star when they see one. The next stop – Hollywood!

Again, Heidi Klum, watch and learn; here I come!

P.S. I wonder if Mom got paid and what did she do with all that money. If she bought more Tasteless Mud for it, I’ll stare at her until she starts crying. Bad Mom. Where is my Tasty Crap?! My star tummy needs its Tasty Crap!!! Humans are impossible to teach and train! Arrrgh.

P.P.S. Nisse* is not called Nisse, I forgot his real name.

***

Leroy’s picture online at Ikea’s site can be seen here:

IKEA, kök

Previous parts of Leroy’s diary can be found here:

The fat Siamese diary – week #1

The fat Siamese diary – part #2

The fat Siamese diary – part #3 (Exhibition)

Albert got a prize – Food maze

There was a competition on Siames i fokus for the best Christmas photo, and Albert came second (with the picture of him in the Christmas tree), and we got a prize! 🙂 It was this picture that came second:

Albert the White Squirell

Albert the White Squirrel

We got Catit Senses Food Maze for our cats!

The Food Maze has one design flow (whoever made it did not have Siamese and their loooong noses in mind) – our Siamese can get their heads right into the top level and simply eat the food from there. But, we put a lid from one cookie-box on the top and now it works perfectly!

I filmed the cats eating Siamese 38 dry food from Royal Canin, which, according to the independent Swedish veterinary institute test, is not such a great quality food (our cats eat dry food from Eukanuba and James Wellbeloved and also Bozita and Mjau wet food – those two are Swedish brands), but it tastes great, so they get it instead of candy sometimes.

Claire is crazy about cat candy, and also, other cats let her get it first since she is the youngest. Albert does not care about candy that much (accept for Dreamies, and I am always strict there – everyone gets Dreamies from my hand, so there is no stealing). Albert likes lettuce. He is a special cat.

When we want other cats to play with Food Maze, we play with Claire in another room. And here is why:

The fat Siamese diary – part #2

Leroy

The story of Leroy on a diet continues. Told as Leroy would probably tell it:

Day #8

I spent last night sleeping under the duvet between Mom and Dad, not moving at all (except for my ribcage, but only as much as necessary for breathing).

It was snowing outside and I must preserve all the heat I can. Dad says it is warm in our house, but hey, he’s a Swede, ‘warm’ is just a word to him. All of my ancestors, 20 generations back originate from Thailand. Hello – Thailand! A tropical country with 23°C minimal daily temperature in January! When was the last time we had 23°C in Stockholm? The hot summer of 1964?

I am looking forward to global warming. Yeah, yeah, people are against it, being worried about the survival of polar bears and Swedes. And what about me? What about ME?! 😩

The kitten food. I need it back for my insulation layer. The global warming is not here yet.

Day #10

Until today the best day of my life was when I got my beloved daughter Jossan as a personal present from Mom’s friend Monica. But, that was UNTIL today. Because – today – I am having the best day ever.

I am so full that I cannot move, lying like a big seal on the sofa. I might be a bit sick, but I am so happy that it does not matter that I might throw up soon. The soft white carpet is close, so I’ll be fine (I prefer throwing up my hair balls on white carpets and cashmere sweaters. Class matters).

Poor Mom. She is almost crying, showing the numbers on the scale to Dad who keeps on swearing that I must have gotten invisible and that it is not his fault that I am so fast and sneaky.

Mom is right, I am neither tiny nor fast and Dad is, well, the best Dad ever!

Earlier today he was about to let the Little One into the Green Room when for once the baby was useful. The Little One was all cute and purring so that Dad focused on cuddling with her while I crawled behind him from the corridor into the room and slid under the sofa where I kept silent and hidden until he left and closed the door behind him… leaving me with Bowl#1 and Bowl#2!!!

I ate so much that I could barely call someone to let me out when I was done.

So sick, but it was worth it… burp. :

Life is good again.

To be continued

The fat Siamese diary – week #1

Leroy, The King (lilac point Siamese)

Leroy went up in weight while we had kittens and he weighs at least 0,5-0,8kg more than he should.  That is not good for him, and it is easier to get him to go down in weight sooner than later. He loves food, and also, especially tasty, high in calories and fat kitten food that Claire eats (she is growing and has different needs than our other cats). He just sucks it in like a vacuum cleaner. Sometimes it takes only 3 minutes, and half of the bowl content is gone.

So, we have 4 cats in excellent shape, one growing kitten, and one overweight Leroy. Hm. How to feed them all in the most optimal way?

We are trying our best to help our beloved chubby Leroy get down in weight. We observed carefully his behavior and I wrote a short diary of the previous week, seen through his eyes. What I wrote is rather toned down, since Siamese are cats with love for drama and it is hard to get even close to how they actually feel.

“I am not fat, I’m big boned!”

Leroy’s diary – week one

Day #1, afternoon

I was sleeping in my bed for hours. Got up, looked through the window. Rain. No birds. The other cats were sleeping.

Eat, I could eat.

Whaaat?! Bowl #1 with my favorite food (that humans oddly enough keep calling “kitten” food) is gone. Bowl #2 with my second favorite (again – “kitten” food!) is also gone. Only Bowl #3, with boring, yucky food is left.

I don’t get it! It must be a mistake.

I’ll go back to sleep.

Day #1, evening

We got our wet food as usual, before humans went to sleep, but it was not my favorite (which humans claim is just ‘smaksatt skit’, or in plain English – tasty crap). We got ‘quality food’ instead. Let me tell you something – THAT is tasteless crap! And it looks like plain mud.

Bad humans. 😩

I ate some, though, since I hate Bowl #3 even more than Tasteless Mud. 😩

Day #1, night

I spent the night playing, lying next to my humans and thinking. I worked so hard last year on my insulation layer, since yet another long Swedish winter is coming. I wonder if Bowl #3 can keep my safety layer intact.

Where are my Bowls #1 and #2?! And my beloved Tasty Crap?

Not happy. 😩

Day #2, morning

I ate from Bowl#3. My Mom talked to me a lot and praised me when she saw me eating that crap. What could I do? Better that than certain death.

Day #2, evening

This is getting really weird. Only Bowl #3 and Tasteless Mud get served, but The Little One and the rest of the cats occasionally smell like Tasty Crap and kitten food. I must be hallucinating. #3 probably contains nothing nutritious for my brain and body. My little neurons are starving! I will be as clever as Maven soon.

Damn it humans, what have I ever done to you? 😩

Day #2, night

I sat next to my Mom while she slept and tried to beam my thoughts to her. She must understand that I need food that tastes good. She woke up and petted me, but I got no food. Damn! She fell back to sleep really fast and I realized that I am losing my mental powers for sure. You are what you eat. My mental energy is vanishing as you are reading this.

Day #4

Oh, my horrible destiny! Animal cruelty! Betrayal! Horror!

I discovered that the humans keep the Tasty Crap and the kitten food in the Green Room! I noticed the pattern. I was not imagining – the other cats get to go in there regularly, everyone except me is allowed. They just come and call the humans and they get let in. When they scratch or call, they get let out. And – when they come out of the Green Room, they smell like heaven!

Oh, that is where my food went!

To hell with Bowl#3 and Tasteless Mud, I want my Tasty Crap back!

Day #5

I cried and cried standing next to Bowl #3 and when I got the humans’ attention I bit The Little One on her neck and demonstratively held her like that. Dad commented that I seem to be so hungry that I am trying to kill and eat The Little One.

Yes, exactly, what do you say now? Give me my Tasty Crap back or The Little One gets it!

But no – Mom just took away The Little One (who showed no fear, which took the edge off my performance. Stupid kitten, not scared of anything!). They cuddled a bit, and Mom cuddled with me as well, saying that everything will be okay, I just have to lose some weight.

WHAT? But that is so NOT OK!

What is wrong with my humans? They loved me so much until recently. 😩

They must have gotten brain damage.

Day #7

Mom is still not happy with me. She puts me on the scales every day and today she complained to Dad that I eat everything in huge amounts, no matter how bad it tastes and that I’ll never lose weight this way. She said that they must ‘portionera‘ my food. I do not understand what she meant, but even my Bowl #3 is gone now.

The Mayans were right. The world is coming to an end in 2012! My world definitely is. 😩

To be continued

“Bowl #3!”

The first week of changed feeding we came to the conclusion that Leroy sucks everything in like a vacuum cleaner, not only the kitten food. Now he has access only to quality food that contains no grains and a high percent of meat, but the thing is that he eats very often.

Also, he is not going out since it got cold here and although we activate him more than during the summer, it seems like he eats when he is bored or just does not know what else to do. Another thing – he is almost 6 years old now and although he still is a young cat, maybe his metabolism has changed a bit. We will give him food in portions now (so Bowl #3 will not always be full) and play with him even more.

Leroy got a bit chubby after every litter, but so did Jossan and Miii. The girls went down in weight fast this time, as usual, spontaneously, but he did not. We’ll help our Leroy to get fit again!